Every day life · Parenting

What if?

Are you one of those people who always dreaded September and back to school?  I was, and still am.  What if I don’t like my teacher, or my teacher doesn’t like me?  What if I can’t find my locker, or can’t open the combination?  What if I am not ready when the school bus comes?  This didn’t change when I started college?  What if I can’t find my classes?  What if I sleep too late for that 8 am class I stupidly decided to take?  What if I don’t have all of my books by the first class?  Some of these worries were legitimate.  Some times I wasn’t ready for the bus, or I overslept for the early class.  Sometimes I didn’t have all my books by the first class.  But it was never the end of the world.

Then I finished school, and began teaching.  The whatifs never ended.  What if I don’t like my kids or they don’t like me?  Of course, I always say, I am not there to be liked, but the year goes by a lot smoother if the relationships with the students are good ones.  What if I planned too little?  I quickly learned this never happened.  In fact I had almost always planned too much.  This lead to What if I didn’t get everything done that had to be done?  What if I had the parent from hell?  It never ended.

Finally, this year, I have no worries about my class.  I am moving up with my group, and know all the students and their parents.  I know exactly what I am getting this year.  I am sure there will be some surprises, but I feel I can cope with just about anything.

So, no back to school worries! Not quite!  Why?  James is starting Kindergarten.  My first baby is no longer a baby.  Tears come to my eyes as I imagine that face in the school bus window, getting smaller and smaller as the bus drives away.  Will he make friends?  I know he will.  He is not shy as I was.  Will he ha ve a teacher that is a good match?  Will his friends and teachers understand him?  Will he eat enough food and not throw it away?  Will he come away with the feeling that school is fun?  Only time will tell.   IMG_9704


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